Random Thoughts

i don't know if alcohol really makes you nostalgic and emotional, but today i am really missing my mother. i generally try my best not to be or appear emotional, but today all my rationality seems to be totally in vain. i can't help but think how much i miss my mother, and how i am letting her down.

there is a time which comes in everybody's life, when one starts to think that one's capabilities have been developed only through one's own actions. others may have helped one, but those were marginal with respect to the effort that one had to put on his own. he starts to feel proud of himself, and pride is the first step to arrogance. who are the people who face the wrath of his arrogance, or the so-called "pride"? of course, he can't go to the unknown people walking down a street and show to them that he has really grown to be someone important. they won't care a damn about it. so the only option left to him is to go to his own relatives/friends, and try to make them realize how the small boy they used to love so much has grown up. and has grown up to be some "big" man. they are the only ones who will say nothing at his arrogance, for they fear that if they say something, their beloved will lose his/her pride. they remain silent, not because they acknowledge his/her self-professed importance, but because they are too afraid to see his/her sad face.

and sadly, mothers are the first victim people turn to. always meek in front of their children, they lose sleepless nights thinking about them. so much so, that their sons/daughters start to take them for granted. when their children grow up big enough to realize which relationships are good and which are not, their mothers are the first one to be overlooked. the sons start to substitute their girlfriends/wives for their mother, and think that they don't need the care and love of their mother any more. i don't know about girls, though. it is just that i am not the daugter of any woman, so i don't want to make any specious remark.

but almost all the relationships that we make on our own are based on selfish reasons, isn't it ? we make friends not because we like them, but because we think someday they might be of some help to us. we marry not necessary because we like the boy/girl, but because we think they will be kind enough not to leave us in hard times. why is it, that we overlook the only relationship we have which is based on truth ? on selfless love ? why do we forget about the only woman who truly loves us ? and the most ironical of all, why do we forget the only woman who is, and can be, our mother ?

I don't care about this whole damn world.....I just want to see my mother happy.....