Random Thoughts

it is strange that even 6 years after leaving home, i feel the same strange tinge of unhappiness that i had felt when i had left home for the first time. 6 years is a long time. i have travelled, and lived through many major parts of india - calcutta, delhi, ahmedabad, bombay etc. i have learnt to live how to take care of myself in unknows places, and how to forget home and learn to live with this sad realization that maybe the comforts of home are gone forever.

but still, it hurts. i miss how my mother used to scold me when i wasted time. how she used to pull the pillow from under my bed when i overslept. how my brother used to play games with me and how we used to fight. and how i used to mock my father's profession, albeit i always managed to have a serious expression on my face. how my grandmother used to tell me that she took more care of me than my mother.

today is one of most pious days of Navaratri, one of the most famous festivals of india. i am in a city which celebrates this festival during this 10-day period like there is no tomorrow. still i am drunk. and i will be in this position when i will go to the pandals to take the blessings of Ma Durga. i really don't have any doubts as to what blessings i will get. i am a sinner, and devi's hands are made to crush siners' heads, not to bless them.

but my point is, for me there is only one god. and only one goddess. if she is happy, i don't give a damn to any other thing in this world. i am not with her right now, and i don't know of any other way to keep myself from thinking about her apart from losing myself in a seedy kolkata bar.